We are practicing social distancing and adhering to state-wide and county orders. There are some ways that this new normal is impacting adoption plans.
Adoption entities are depending on virtual means to facilitate meetings and introductions between expectant parents and prospective adoptive parents. This is opposite of our typical go out to our favorite restaurant and share a meal, but it works. They are still able to share their hopes and dreams for this child; share what values they have in common; shed a tear, share a laugh, express their gratitude and express their fears. They are not able to sit at a table together or hug goodbye, but still they can share that valuable time together. Thankfully, we have Zoom, Skype, FaceTime to help facilitate contact during this time.
Our adoption coordinators are able to provide case management and counseling by phone or virtual means as well. We have a practice of trying to see your expectant mothers weekly. This has not always been possible during this time, but we have kept in close contact making sure that all of their needs are met and they are safe. Our adoption coordinator has driven by the expectant parent’s home to bring adoptive parent profile books when they are ready to make a selection. She has practiced social distancing during the exchange. The exciting part is the phone call the agency receives a day or two later when the expectant parent has made her selection. Even more exciting is the phone call the agency makes to the prospective adoptive parent telling them they have been selected. COVID-19 has not robbed us of the joys of adoption.
Some OBGYN offices are not allowing anyone to accompany the expectant mother to her appointment. This can be hard for an expectant mother if she wants a support person or wanting the prospective adoptive couple to come with her. Our adoption coordinator has driven the expectant mother to the doctor’s office and waited in the car for her. Although she has not been able to sit in the waiting room with her, she has been able to support her following the visit.
Most hospitals are only allowing one support person in the hospital with the birth mother. That person is the only one who can visit during the complete hospital stay. If that person leaves the hospital, they may not be allowed back inside. The adoption agency is not allowed to enter the hospital to complete paperwork in some of the hospitals. However, in other hospitals they can. Prospective adoptive parents have not been allowed to visit the birth mother and the baby until the birth mother has been discharged from the hospital. This is another time we have relied on virtual and telephonic communications.
The hospital time is an emotional time for everyone. The birth mother may not be able to have her hospital stay go as planned. She may have wanted the adoptive parents there to care for the baby and now they are not allowed into the nursery. It may leave her feeling sad that the baby is alone or she may feel compelled to care for the baby when that was not her original plan. Caring for the baby and bonding with the baby may lead to more emotions that the birth mother was not expecting. This may be a time the birth mother cherishes her time alone with the baby. A time where she can say all of the things she wants to say to the baby. It may be time she needed to mourn, to hope and to say her good-byes. A time she can memorialize with pictures of her and the baby. Pictures she can send with the adoptive parents to keep for the baby.
COVID-19 has interrupted plans and changed some of the logistics, but it has not changed the beauty of adoption. The coming together of two mothers with the sole purpose of loving this child and wanting what is best for them all of the days of his/her life. Each mother is thankful for the other for the intricate part they play in this child’s life.